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Extra! Extra!

I'm happy to be featured in today's At Work article, "Here's how to talk your way to the top at work"

(click image below to read)

Proud to be interviewed for Esquire's quarterly publication Big Black Book Spring/Summer 2015

How to Give a Presentation:

Interviewed in January 2015 Issue of Marie Claire Magazine

Watch Your Mouth Article: Click HERE or on the images above to read.

You Do NOT Want Fry With That

A reporter from Marie Claire recently interviewed me on the subject of a University of Miami study published this past May. The study addressed the phenomenon known as "Vocal Fry" among young women seeking professional success. While you may not be familiar with the term, Vocal Fry, you have likely heard the sound. Here is an example:

(Can't see/use the audio controls above? Your browser may not support this audio element - try Chrome or Safari)
Vocal Fry is a subconscious behavior typically exhibited by young women who artificially lower the register of their voice and "fry" out, or make a growling sound, often at the end of thoughts. If you really want to geek out on this, here is the full study.

NBC's take on the phenomenon:

And an example of how it has begun to infiltrate commercial media:

While the use of this particular speaking style was anything but accidental in the auto commercial above, for  most young women, the behavior is completely subconscious. In fact, many of my younger female clients seek out my support in part because they feel they are not being taken seriously at work, or are being overlooked for advancement - but don't know why. They are told that they lack confidence, seem low-energy, careless, or appear to posses insufficient experience to justify promotion. In most cases, none of these assumptions is true (although a person's confidence certainly dips upon hearing this feedback). What often turns out to be true is that they are unwitting perpetrators of vocal fry, sometimes as a generous side to a main course of "uptalk."

By "uptalk," I mean this:

When it comes to getting ahead and demonstrating leadership qualities, fry and uptalk make for a brutal combination.

Sociologists and behavioral scientists differ in their explanation of how this type of vocal pattern occurs and spreads within a society. They look at whether Kim Kardashian and Brittany Spears are to blame or if they simply echo and amplify the trend. Frankly, I don't really care which came first. I think most clients (and their senior managers and HR leaders) agree that, regardless of its origins, this speech pattern is unnecessarily limiting and needs to go. But how?

"Mastery is the process of going from unconscious incompetence, to conscious incompetence, to conscious competence, to unconscious competence." The origin of this quote is disputable, but the truth of it is not. I like this saying so much it's featured on the front page of my website. This truth is sort of the diet-and-exercise of behavior change. It isn't glamorous, but it's the approach that works best. What we start with is behavior that doesn't work for our purposes. What we want is behavior that will support our goals. The first step is recognizing the behavior. Luckily, as the above quote indicates, this whole process has four steps, not 12!

The second step, conscious incompetence, tends to be the most difficult - we know what we're doing and notice the behavior we want to change just after we've done it. Luckily, it gets easier from there - especially with some good techniques, coaching and self-reflection.

Is it fair that people may be judged and even dismissed based on mannerisms such as vocal inflection and tone when they are otherwise competent and capable? Probably not. Does it matter if it's fair? Definitely not. The judgment of senior management is usually as subconscious as the behaviors they judge. Only we have an advantage: we have the ability to change and positively impact this impression! As a speech coach it is my mission to help those who are ready and willing to make those changes and thus remove obstacles to good, confident communication.

How Acting Training Helps Speakers

If you read my biography over there ->, you'll find out that, prior to my career as an executive coach, I was a professionally trained actor. In fact, I took it all the way to Rutgers University and a terminal degree - Masters of Fine Arts (MFA). The three year MFA conservatory program was dedicated to the study of the Sanford Meisner Technique under the tutelage of the country's most lauded master teachers Maggie Flanigan and William Esper. Only 8 women and 11 men were accepted into the program for my year. I felt very fortunate to be selected to be a part of that exclusive program and to have the opportunity to master a technique that is one of the world's most respected.

So much of what I have learned in my acting classes, scene studies, voice and speech training, and performances on stage and screen, informs the way I coach my clients in their communication. Below is a short video in which Charlie Sandlan, one of Maggie's primary teachers at The Maggie Flanigan Studio, talks about emotion, behavior, and process. These concepts - which I translate into useful techniques, tools and strategies for speaking - are key in the success of my clients.

Most important to both the acting and public speaking process is what Charlie says about emotion as a side-effect or symptom of good crafting and preparation. The emotion in acting of which he speaks is much like the dynamism, credibility and energy most people seek to project in their spoken communication.

Great article on slide decks!

I was just working in Dallas last week facilitating some workshops with a keen focus on slide decks. We were discussing the intention of the deck and how so many don't do much to support that intention. In many cases, the slides act as more of an obstacle to good communication as opposed to the support for that communication. I returned to New York City to find this well written and clear post on that very subject, so I thought I'd share it with all of you.

Read it here: Article

Let me know what you think!

Interesting illustration of stage fright (and how to cope with it!)

Don't Blame PowerPoint

What’s the difference between watching a PowerPoint presentation and undergoing a root canal? One is forced upon us, causes excruciating pain, and often requires lengthy recovery time. The other is a dental procedure. 

But I’ve got news for you: It’s not PowerPoint, it’s you. I know these are painful words to hear, but the time has come to stop the buck-passing and take some responsibility. I think we can all agree that the majority of slide presentations (and this includes PowerPoint, Keynote, Prezi, GoogleDocs, Sliderocket, GoAnimate, Slidesnack . . .) are a screaming bore. In many cases the presenter seems to be struggling as much as the audience to endure the whole ordeal. So what’s the problem?

I submit that the slides are not being used as they were intended. They are acting as a roadblock to communication, rather than the vehicle. The fact that most decks don’t work is no secret. Regularly, my clients will say to me things like: “I know this slide is too busy, but” or “I know this looks terrible, but,” or “I never speak to this part but it has to be on the slide.” Drives me nuts. After a little digging, the problem is usually caused by the same handful of culprits:

1. “We’re stuck with this template/style/way of designing slides”
2. “We always modify from previous presentations”
3. “The board/my boss/the company/the CXO only wants to see (insert number) slides”
4. “I don’t want to have too many/few slides”
5. “This company is formal/conservative/old-fashioned/dull so I can’t be creative with the presentation/this is what they’re used to”

Well, this is all just bunk and here’s why: All of these (and other) defenses for a bad presentation are arbitrary and meaningless when we consider why we are presenting in the first place. Let’s knock them down one-by-one:

1. If the template is poor it should be changed. If it’s not or is truly unchangeable, we need to find a way to be effective within the boundaries presented.
2. Well, knock it off. Modifying a bad presentation saves time on the front end and wreaks havoc from that point on. It’s like repeatedly cooking from a lousy recipe and expecting the resulting meal to magically taste better than the last time.
3. - and -
4. Why? Where did this magic number come from? If two slides work better than one, do we ignore this and stick with one? Do we think that it’s worse to move through two well-planned slides than to slog through one overcrowded one during which time we completely lose our audience? (I’ll give you a hint: it isn’t.) Is it the time it takes to click the little remote button to move from one slide to the next? Well that’s just silly. The reality is that we should plan for as many or as few slides as we need to accomplish the goal we set for the presentation in keeping within the allotted time. That’s it. And, let’s not forget, there needs to be a goal.
5. Formal does not equal boring. Formal does not mean we abandon why we are speaking on the subject. Formal does not mean that our time and the time of our listeners is not valuable and deserving of respect. It is possible to be both creative and formal.

There is another defense of poor slides that I would like to address on its own and it goes a little something like this: “The deck is the handout that everyone gets before/during/after the presentation.” It mustn’t be. It’s nice to think of a deck performing double duty in this way, but attempting this shortcut insures that one or the other (or very often both) versions will fail in their role. 

The function of a handout is to give a meeting attendee something to look at prior to or after a presentation. It provides details, sources, appendices, and so forth. It is written to be read, to serve as a reference, and to support what was learned in the presentation. 

A slide deck is visual reinforcement of key points that a presenter is offering to an audience with the intention of moving that group, through live communication, to a desired action. The deck also serves as a prompt for the speaker for the order of the material, the pacing of the delivery, and the emphasis on key points and ideas.

When these two distinctly different functions, that of the slide deck and of the handout, are joined together into one “document” (technically, PowerPoint slides were never designed to be used as a document) the speaker is often stuck reading each slide aloud and often word-for-word. We are all capable of reading a document on our own, so it cannot be argued that we need to occupy our valuable time listening to someone read slides aloud to us. What’s the goal in that, anyway? When I pose this question to my clients, the response is invariably either 1) they were told to present it so they are complying with the request/demand, or 2) the goal is to “let them know that . . .” If the reason you’ve called me away from my work and other demands to a conference room or auditorium is to let me know something, I’d prefer you just send me an email. I’d rather show up for a more compelling reason than that. Identifying the “why” in the presentation is critical and  will be the topic for another article and a different time. For now, suffice it to say that the success of a presentation – and the degree of your confidence giving it - depends on it emanating from a solid, provocative purpose. 

The bottom line is this: slides are there to help us deliver a message that drives the listener to action. And contrary to popular opinion, The slides don’t do anything we don’t tell them to do. PowerPoint is not the enemy but merely a visual (and sometimes audio) tool that we can employ to support our thoughtfully prepared message. 

I’m not a big fan of hard rules, but it’s safe to say that poorly designed slides – ones heavy with bullets and text, covered with confusing graphics comparing multiple sets of data that require a lot of time and concentration on the part of the audience to decipher – are not recommended. It’s also important to restrain ourselves when it comes to overly “creative” animations – these often subtract rather than add to the value of a message (and are a regular complaint by those viewing the dizzying properties of many Prezi creations – see "Prezi Sickness," and "Prezilepsy.")

Building a solid deck takes some time and a lot of strategy, but it gets easier the more you do it. It’s time well spent because you are preparing for the final presentation of your message even as you build it. Later, you can also recycle elements that work well for you, as opposed to modifying a bad presentation again and again. 

Need help? You are not alone. Like most skills, this is something that must be learned and, in the early stages, can be more than a little nerve-wracking. An experienced speech coach can be extremely valuable in helping you to develop these strategies, practice your delivery and grow the skills and confidence you need in order to make your next presentation a real winner. And you’re in luck. I just happen to know a great one.

Watch A Free Video with 5 Great Speaking Tips

The good folks at KIS Group asked me to share some speaking tips with their viewers.
I'd like to share it with you. Here's free access to that video:

KIS Group

 

Confident Communication (or - They're Just Not That Into You)

Finally, you surrender to exhaustion, feeling yourself sink into the support of your bed, when thoughts of your upcoming performance review jolt you back to consciousness. You’ve lost the last three nights of sleep imagining the evaluation over and over. You’ve silently mouthed the words of your defense on the train. This display has been met with strange stares by the other commuters.

For many of us, the mere thought of certain types of communication—or communication with certain people—can ratchet up our stress levels to “11.” Sometimes the stakes are high (income may be determined, an opportunity granted or denied, a proposal accepted); sometimes, on closer examination, they are not so significant. Regardless, we worry.

Do genetics determine our comfort in communicating? Parental modeling? A high gluten diet? I would be willing to accept that these factors and more may contribute to how we approach our interactions but, as a speech and communication coach, I’m most interested in what we can do about it.

For starters, here’s some good news:

1. People are inherently self-involved
2. You cannot trust your instincts

OK, sometimes you can and should trust your instincts. And people being self-involved may sometimes be bad news. But hear me out. What often dominates our thoughts as we anticipate challenging conversations, meetings, presentations or conflict situations, is ourselves. Our worst case scenarios generally involve how we will be perceived. When we see ourselves as the most important element, our fight or flight instincts prepare us to BOLT at the first sign of danger. What are your instincts telling you?

“They’ll discover I’m not good enough.” “They’ll think I’m an idiot.” “I’ll screw it up.” “They’ll say ‘no.’” “They’ll regret giving me this job.”

But what if your instincts are wrong? What if nobody really cares that much about you? Well, then the path is clear for you to have more confident communication! Let’s face it, to humiliate another requires energy, focus and time; three things most people have in short supply. Besides, these concerns are all about you, and they’re just not that into you.

What are they into? Their wants, their success, avoiding their own humiliation. How might things change simply by framing your message with that awareness in mind? What if you approached the conversation or meeting as an opportunity to provide assistance, devise a solution, or appeal to their knowledge and expertise? How does this change the dynamic? I’ll tell you how: it takes you off the hook and makes you more confident. When we are offering to attend to another’s need, we are at our best and are more likely to be heard. We aren’t groveling for approval, we are seeking to be of assistance—we are Solution Masters.

How might your experience change if you:

* Approach a job interview as someone trying to help an individual fill a spot with the best candidate?

* Lead a meeting as an ambassador of information offered in a way listeners will find useful?

* Prepare for conflict as someone committed to finding an amicable solution?

* Deliver a disappointing result as a chance to plumb the expertise of another or to offer your ideas to take another crack at it?

—and, using the initial example

* View a performance review as an opportunity to better understand what is working and what is not, from the reviewer’s point of view, and to offer suggestions for resolution of the issues? In this case, if solution ideas don’t come, ask the reviewer what, in his or her opinion, might help address the challenges. Together, you can create a plan of action.

This new approach takes creativity and planning, but it flips the interaction on its proverbial ear. It allows for your best, most confident self to shine through. You become the hero of the story. Crazy, you say? Preposterous? Try it—see what happens. (Side benefit: your thoughts will have better structure and shape because you’ve devised a strategy—not only for getting what you want from the situation, but also for bringing out your best by giving others what they need—a better use of your time than losing sleep from anxiety.)

Make notes—don’t leave it to chance—and test your thoughts against the question, “How can I frame this to be in my listener’s interest?” When possible, bring those notes with you, so you don’t have to rely on memory. Depending on the circumstances, you may acknowledge the notes upfront saying something like, “This is a very important topic. I want to be sure I don’t leave anything of value out, so I’ll be referring to some notes I’ve made. . .” Could any reasonable person knock you for that? Do we care what an unreasonable person knocks us for?

My message is simple: Don’t trust your instincts. Treat everyone like a supreme narcissist! Or, here's the less cynical version: A great first step to confident communication is to stare down your fear-based instincts and choose generosity in your approach instead, framing your message with the needs and interests of your listener front and center.

Blue In The Face

Have you ever noticed how great babies are at breathing? Babies are a brilliant example of unrestricted behavior in general (my friend’s newborn was famous for punctuating a particularly quiet or sentimental moment with a trumpet sound of what her husband affectionately called “wet wind”. Now that’s unrestricted.) Born without associations or the need for emotional contrivance, they are perfect machines; they take in pure experience and offer up pure response. And when they need air, they breathe. Simple as that.

As any sleep deprived new parent can tell you, shortly after they’re born, babies can effortlessly sustain hair-raising notes that even Ethyl Merman would envy. Later, when they learn to talk, their voices are clear and high and the sound comes out in seemingly endless streams of “why?” and “how come?”

But it’s not long before things begin to get complicated. In fact, right around the time we begin to identify ourselves as separate from others we become, in the truest sense of the word, “self-conscious.” Often we tamper with our natural impulses in order to be liked, to get attention, to get what we want. We begin to muck up what nature so cleverly designed for us. And when we hit puberty? Fuggedaboudit.

We adapt in all manner of unconscious and unhealthy ways to these changes. Strange as it may seem, our breathing is often altered inadvertently (or maybe even advertently? Consider the breathy/sexy voice that helped to make Marilyn Monroe famous. Her vocal style was no accident…)

This pattern may strike you as abstract, or you may think it doesn’t apply to you. Well, it isn’t and it does. Like most things, it’s just a matter of degree. Here’s an example:

Me: I see your shirt is tucked into your trousers. Would you mind lifting up your sweater so I can see your midsection a little bit?

You: Oh, Uh…Ok…

Me: Now, relax your stomach and your ribcage.

You: (straining) What do you mean—gasp!—they are relaxed!

Me: Just let your stomach go soft and your ribcage sink down.

You: (red faced) Right. I’m totally—gasp!—relaxed!

We in the industrialized world often begin the day with a ritual of sucking in our stomachs and we don’t stop until we’re unconscious in bed. It’s the old military “Chest Out, Stomach In!” posture that we strike—not unlike a tropical bird displaying his plumage—to minimize our midsection, attract what we want and to show the world we mean business.

In addition to sucking in our bellies, we often get in the habit of restricting or even holding our breath. Many of my clients experience challenges as a result of shallow breathing (which actually fools the brain into a state of panic). When they go into “formal speaking mode” they immediately change their breathing to be shallower than their natural state and suddenly there is just not enough air to be had. Just before their first word, their shoulders lift (a clear indication they are not breathing deeply) and their eyes bug out ever so slightly. It’s a sight to behold!

I’ve also encountered those who clearly run out of breath when they speak but keep right on talking, stubbornly, until they reach the end of the sentence (causing a good deal of huffing and gasping). It’s a race to the finish for each thought. They speak as if they are desperate to win that race or follow some serious rule that apparently states that you may not breathe until you hit a question mark, an exclamation point or a period. It’s as if breathing is a sign of weakness.

Me: What’s wrong with pausing for a breath at a comma?

You: I couldn’t do that. That’s just what they’re expecting me to do!

So, strange as it may seem, it is often necessary for us to re-learn how to breathe as adults. I use numerous exercises with my clients—both in-person and through recordings for their own use—and urge them to practice between sessions and beyond. What’s nice is that the process is enjoyable and the benefits are immediate, far reaching and long lasting.

Breathing well makes the experience of speaking in front of people far less stressful. It reprograms the nervous system to be open and supportive of what we’re trying to accomplish, rather than to sabotage and restrict our oxygen intake. When breath is slower and fuller, the heart calms down and we have a greater feeling of wellbeing. Good breathing also leads to vocal improvements, such as the production of a clearer sound and a greater ease and success with projection.

So let’s all just take a moment to let that gut hang out—coach’s orders!—and take in a big, full breath.